Last week, my eight-year-old daughter turned a corner of our living room into a “restaurant.” She put on jazz music, set up flowers, tablecloths, napkins, plates, forks, and knives, and served my husband and me a three-course meal. It was the best dinner ever! It warmed my heart to see her making the effort to give us the best experience. She presented us with a handwritten menu she had designed the night before, climbed on her little stool to reach plates and bowls, scrambled the eggs, and plated the curries and salads beautifully.
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I’ve been the main cook in our family for the past 13 years. If I didn't cook, it was takeout or eating out. My husband would make oatmeal for my daughter, and that’s about the extent of his cooking. He was an excellent cook, though—he made the best sautéed vegetables, and his dishes were always well-seasoned during the once-a-year dinner he prepared on my birthday. So, why didn't he cook more often? He said cooking stresses him out and makes him extremely unhappy.
Don't get me wrong. My husband took care of the dishwashing, which was not an easy task (I was a messy cook especially if I was in a rush) and I loved cooking. I love exploring different flavours, browsing supermarket aisles, and buying fresh produce from farmers. But being the only cook in the family was draining. Besides the time spent cooking, there's the mental stress of planning meals, considering everyone's preferences, and thinking about how to introduce more nutrition into our meals. Sometimes we just wanted backup options. I expressed this to my husband several times, and his response was always, “We can go out to eat when you don't want to cook.” This upset me, but I couldn't quite articulate why.
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Until now.
After the dinner my daughter served, I realized that what I craved wasn't the food itself; it was the feeling of being cared for. For me, cooking was a way to show my love and care for my family. Naturally, once in a while, I wanted to enjoy being taken care of by the ones I loved in ways I cared.
I thought this was a man-and-woman issue, but I met someone recently whose situation was the reverse. Her husband, after being the sole cook for 15 years, finally gave her an ultimatum and demanded she share the cooking load. She admitted that if her husband hadn't demanded it, she would never have cooked because she hated it so much. I shared my experience with her and suggested that maybe it wasn't about the food but about showing care for him by putting his needs first sometimes. By helping him "recharge" once a week, he might have enough "battery" to last the rest of the week.
On this note, I'm happy to share that my husband has finally agreed to cook once a week and we enjoyed a delicious noodle soup last night.
Who cooks more in your life, and how do you feel about it? Leave me a comment, I'd love to know.
What I ate last week
Friday
breakfast: egg ham cheese English muffin
lunch: vegetable rice + shrimp and mushrooms leftovers
dinner: ate out (Korean BBQ)
Saturday
breakfast: crab eggwhite omelette
lunch: olive oil lemon cake
dinner: rice steamed pork + celery, zucchini and carrot stirfry + pork rib and mountain yam soup
Sunday
breakfast: ham & egg muffin with radish sprouts and tomatoes
lunch: steamed eggplants + grilled Korean short ribs
dinner: chicken curry + salad
Monday
breakfast: oatmeal with hemp hearts + spinach salad + boiled egg
lunch: McDonald's avocado ranch wrap (Ate out)
dinner: three courses meal served by my daughter (chicken curry, salad, scrambled eggs, instant noodles, fruit salads, banana slices, nut mixes, mochi)
Tuesday
breakfast: soy milk + Chinese deep fried donut + pancakes (ate out)
lunch: stewed pig feet + sour green beans + potato stirfry + sauerkraut vermicellis (ate out)
dinner: soybean paste soup with tofu and eel + cucumber salad
Wednesday
brunch: chicken & french toast + banana walnut pancake (Ate out)
dinner: steamed hair tail fish + spinach and wood ear mushrooms salad + salted pork rice
Thursday
breakfast: steamed xiao long bao
lunch: summer pasta salad
dinner: fried chicken + spicy rice cakes (ate out)